what are friends...

call me selfish.. but i believe i have the right to be...
life is ironic. Some people hasn't been there, but they still want to be there, and after a while they seem to forget. I might look ok, sound ok, but i haven't healed at all.
It seems like if nothing has happened.. i'm miles away, and i don't hear from him, but it has been always like that.. i wonder if i am still bottling up... i said all i had to say, and now is just disappointment from the reactions of the people. I want at least every now and then a "how are you". But it's difficult to know what a person wants when something like this happened.. we are not all the same, and if you would like something, another person might not like that something.. i don't think that there's much harm when saying "sorry to hear that, how are you.." or just a "how are you" every now and then, to show that you care... but of course no one cares that much, because it hasn't happened to them...

No one is able to give an honest long hug.. i got them, but it took me forever to get them.. the person i wanted the most to comfort me, did, for a day, and that was about it.. too many things going on on other people's lives, you can't expect them to be there for you.. you always knew that, why would it be any different now..

surprisignly, the more you open up, the more they open up, and you end up hearing stories you wished you heared long time ago.. everyone's got a story, a drama, maybe not from their own, but close enough to be worth it to tell.

i can't believe how many arguments a dead can bring with it, you guess we would all learn the lesson, but there are endless fights.. despite miles away, can't help feeling frustrated as they are not able to see more than what they want to see..

many people keeps asking me years after years, if i have many friends.. what a random question... how do i look? lonely? probably because i feel it.. someone asked this, and added that was hoping that i wouldn't go to an empty home... luckily for me i found a cosy place with 2 friendly flatmates and 2 gorgeous cats.. whoever had pets, will understand the comfort that they can give... i didn't use to be a big fan of cats, i used to be scared of them, but nowadays they're the best friends i ever had.. the closest thing to love that i ever felt... they do love me, and they are there every day, when i come back from work, even before waking up.. i fell in love with them, and so did they... they'll never say the wrong thing, they'll never make me cry.. they are not able to give a hug like a human, but they do give company and they'll never try to make a joke..

in the other hand you never know who might become a very good friend of yours because of the circumstances.. a bit of destiny here, made me see an old work mate as one of the best friends to relay on..

deep inside i'm still bitter, because i had none of the people i feel comfortable with, to spend time with me to cuddle up with.. i guess i'll never get rid of the lonely look in my eyes..

what a lot of digressing in here.. i wonder if anyone could ever understand.. does that matter afterall?