Rest In Peace

There were different thoughts, regarding to Roning's ashes.I know for a fact that he loved our dad more than anything in this world, no matter what.. He always told me how proud he was from dad. I always respected his feelings, even though I didn't feel the same way, I knew we would have an argument with that, knowing his temper and my straight forward way of talking.... Anyhow I knew his wish was to be with dad, and so I had no doubts. Everyone kind of knew, but strangely enough, Albert wasn't keen of getting rid of the ashes... neither was his widow or my mum.

I thought we'd have an argument, it was in August when I went for "holiday", earlier than usual, so we'd all be there. It was a cloudy day, a bit windy.. we all met in a petrol station, half way to our destination. I was quite shocked to see that only my sister and me were in black, I found it a bit disrespectful, but... The widow was wearing a white dress and high heels, she assured that was Roning's favourite outfit of hers..

I felt the urge to wear sunglasses all day long, I wanted to cry really badly since the minute I took the plane, however I keep holding it whenever I'm in my "home" country.. we put some candles in the monastery, and went for a mass in church.

I couldn't hear anything at all, all I was doing was trying to hide my tears...

I was holding onto his ashes for quite a while when we walked around, I was quite afraid to drop them accidentally.. it's one of the most akward feelings..

We took a picture of all of us, the "6" brothers.. the only time when we will ever be together... for some reason we never managed to be together, there were always arguments with one and another.. pride and rancour were always present.. there has been always a maximum of 5 of them together, and my thought in the past was that I'd make sure I missed it, as I had all this stupid useless rancour, no longer there now.. Now I'm the one trying to be there as much as I can...

We went up in the rope cable, it was 15 years since we spread our dad's ashes, so we hardly remembered where we did it.. there were a few tourists passing by, so it was hard to have time to ourselves, so we walked a bit further. It was quite high up in the mountain, but it wasn't that cold.

My sister and I were in our own, as usual, and the rest of our brothers had their girlfriends and our 4 nephews. 3 of them hardly had any touch with Roning, so they were quite unaware of the whole feeling..

Albert wanted to have a last picture with "him", we were all afraid that he'd lose control and start a scene, but he didn't..

Finally we found a place where we could spread the ashes and make sure they'd go down, at some point people passed by, but we were just saying our final goodbye..

Mum refused to go, too many arguments between all of them, I do my best to keep away and calm both sides, but even at some point I got my "portion" of bitterness..